Being Heard - My Voice 5

It's been a few months since I started to write my last post, but since my last message, I have not only a new perspective on my life, but decided to be as open and honest with the people who have chosen to do wrong to me as much as possible.

Starting a few weeks before my birthday, when a friend of mine was saying fat jokes towards me and literally called me a whale. It took me until my birthday to finally say something about it. And in the end she apologized to me and we are okay, right now.

I mainly wanted to have you understand that anyone can say things that hurt, its the person receiving the hurtful things said, that should look at it as a chance to open the other person's eyes to the perspective of another ones eyes.

Like my friend, when she called me fat and a whale. What she failed to see was that years ago before she lost some weight, she was once bigger then I, and just like what she called me, was teased by people in school and everywhere else. And she cried and didn't like it either! So, I told her, Not too long ago, Remember you were my size + more; for years! And you were teased and picked on by how many? And it took you how long to lose it? Not to mention the fact that the only reason you lost it, was because your parents had surgery and were forced to eat less and buy less, which in turn forced you to not eat a lot? Which made you lose weight?

Fact, is she did apologize and we are all good, now. The one thing that to this day people do not realize is that, yes someone can say all those nasty things about you and to you, but it takes someone you is confident and strong willed to over come someone like my friend, it takes a person with a confident perspective of their own life to say to this person, you are wrong. I am not fat, I just have a lot layers and a lot layers to love, I am proud of my body always have been and it takes a lot for me, to become broken especially from my own friend, but thing is I wasn't broken and she didn't break me. She just gave me a new perspective of my life, with that said yeah, I'm big, but that just means I have a lot more then others do to love, but it is not what's on the outside that matters, but in fact what is on the inside that matters more.

I have always had this same perspective of my life, so I guess its not really new. It just came forward when the time came. And now, it never wants to leave, I guess that is a good thing.

The week of my birthday I spent most of my time spending it rediscovering who I was on the inside and to my luck, I found something to help me better understand who I am.

 So I liked it and shared it with my own personal commit. On my birthday, I decide to respectfully explain myself some more.

Here is the post...

A few days ago I posted this picture with a personalized caption... Now with today being my birthday... I have chosen to represent myself more then ever.
Today, I am 27 years old I weigh 243 lbs. I am 5 feet 5 inches.
I am proud of my body. I have struggled all my life and still do to this day with weight issues, but the way I look at my life is simply put as this... I am STILL BREATHING and I am STILL ABLE to WALK.
...

As long as I am able to do those 2 things everyday and still see the light of day, my life is blissful. My friends and family all know what I've struggled with and I am stronger then ever!
My friends can say fat jokes towards me all the time, you might see my tears on the outside, but on the inside those are tears of a strong independent woman, who doesn't see her life as pathetic and depressing as you see it yourself. I'm strong, I'm independent, I am a plus-size woman who is not afraid of her own skin.
Be proud of who you are on the inside and the outside for yourself, not because someone told you to. Or wants you to change!

At the very end I posted this...

 Me in all my glory.

I'm proud of who I am and are proud of my own skin; so much that I have even added ink, I love me inside and out. Be proud of who you are! I am!

If anyone who reads any of my blogs wishes to leave a comment, Please do so through my email: fairygurlLover@hotmail.com. I would love to hear all the reviews of my blogs all comments are appreciated. Thank you.

Being Heard - My Voice 4

It's been months since I last spoke the truth, since I last had the chance to speak about anything.


I've done it before where I sit around after work and ponder my thoughts for a moment or two. It's strange to know that I have found a love in writing, I write because even though I do know I have fans who have read my blogs, I unfortunately do not or are not able to receive any of the comments you have written, if there is any of course, moving on though, it's time I wrote to you about being heard a 4th time. So, Here it GOES.


It's time I let my heart and soul be set free, it's been years since I've been able to breathe, sit back and look back on my life and realize; I haven't been able to really look at how I did things back, look at the chooses I have made, the friends I stood by for and in return find out they couldn't careless about me. I'm sitting up tonight, not because I have, but because I want to; I have something on my chest and I'm worried that no matter how many people I tell it still won't be enough to get it off.


I had a friend she was a friend I cared deeply about she is in an abusive relationship, I and my fiancé did everything for the girl. This friend well she has a baby boy who is almost 2 years old, he was my nephew and we loved him so much, and her too, even though she wasn't related to either one of us, she was like a sister to me, she even aloud us to call her son our nephew, but getting back on track.


Just months ago we 4 hung out all day. And it was amazing! Until that night when my fiancé wanted to message our friend saying he missed her as a friend, only one problem; my fiancé didn't except her child's father to get all choked up about it, and then telling my fiancé he has no choose, but to apologize for what he said. So, a couple days go by Jason was messaging our friend again and she had told him she had work until 5pm the next day, well the very next day about 12pm, Jason receives a message from her, Can you give me a ride? He thought she needed it now so we left the house to go get her, and he also thought she had worked something out at work, to the point where we could bring her where she needed to go, we get to her house finally; knock on the door and her child's father is there and our friend we later found out has his car and his at work.


So right there; there was a complete misunderstanding between Jason and our friend, so her child's father, opens the door and first words open his mouth are... WTF y'all doin here? We are here because blank needed us? She has the car he shouts! Then looks towards Jason and says WTF you doin messaging my baby mom you miss her? Jason says to him look I'm sorry! He responds with You had no choose, but to apologize, and don't ever do it again. Next, I say to him are you serious right now, he just said he was sorry, and you're gonna be like that, he screams and do you know what he has been messaging my baby moms, so he continues to raise his voice, then at some point when I haven't raised my voice once; turns to me and swears at me, don't you dare raise your voice around my son ever. I was like Okay!


Next moment I know Jason and I are heading back to the car because it clearly was going no where, and he screams at my back calls me a FAT WHITE B*tch. And then screams at both of us that if he ever sees me again he will put his d*ck in my mouth and spite in Jason's face.


So, now knowing that he clearly was never going to apologize for any of it, we left and never went back over, there we're two times after that situation that she messaged us to come help her or take her and her son somewhere, but we never ended up doing it. Eventually, she would get tried of us trying to figure out, what time was good for us, when she would change her mind every other message not knowing if she wanted to go or not, we are ready to go and she tells us never mind. Okay, right!


Suddenly, I am waking up just 3 days ago like I normally do when I have work at 5pm until closing. I shower, get dressed and then sit on our bed for a while flick through Facebook; seeing what's new with friends. And suddenly I see a message from our friend, and it basically says that Jason and I under estimate that the father of her son will not apologize and that he has tried to apologize and neither one us cared to listen, also that he has no problem with confrontation, that people are no longer aloud to be around her son if they can not have a civil conversation with the child's father. She also mentioned she wanted consistency in her son's life so that his heart won't get hurt. Also she mentioned that her mom took the route to disrespect the father and that is why she hasn't seen her grandson since he was born. Oh, she also mentioned at the very beginning of the message that she does however appreciate everything we have done for her and her son.


So, I took the rest of the day to go over everything in her message and basically rethink my whole perspective on things. So, after work I came home and watched tv and at 1am, it was time I sat up in bed and wrote on lined paper an eleven page letter, the next day I typed it up in Microsoft it was actually six pages, next moment I knew I was copying and pasting it in messages for her to read, and let's put it this way, told her straight up I was done. I went on and on naming off everything I knew was the truth of happen had been going on the entire years we we're friends and towards then end I knew my mind was made up, and I said this one final message; So to end this for good, and to give you what is needed in your son's life for always; the consistency you want for him; you made your choice and now we have made Ours. I do not apologize for anything as does Jason, because we both said and did nothing wrong, but Our final words to you and your son are... Good-Bye!


Let me just tell you this that was literally the very end of my six page letter to her, but I literally turned everything negative she said that we did wrong into the truth and what her and her child's father do wrong and I hit the nail on the head for sure, because just about a day ago I noticed she saw which usually means the person read it. And never got a single response until very late last night when I went to check her profile to see if she had said anything nasty about me and Jason in a post or something, nothing except we were blocked by her, only thing is we had already unfriended her not blocked when I realized she blocked us.


 I blocked her in return so if ever there was a chance something would happen between her and the father again, I wouldn't be bothered by her and unfortunately Jason has not, but he has a wise plan for if ever she does try to contact us again and ask for a favor, He will simply message her back saying only one thing; YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO MESSAGE ERICA THAT, AND NOW YOU WANT MY HELP OR A RIDE, FORGET IT!


Although, she had been a problem of mine pretty much last week, and I finally let out my final cries on the matter just this past Monday. And now I'm just so glad she is out of my hair and I can move on with my life, but their is still only one thing; one person that holds my heart... HER SON! I fear everyday now that we aren't around, I truly couldn't careless what happens to her and her abusive relationship, but that boy growing up in a world of parents who swear and hit each other and around a father that mistreats women all the time. And leaves and comes back and leaves again. This is what my friend wants in her son's life.


God Bless that Boy. I hope he becomes the angel I know he is, because he truly was an amazing sweet, lovable little man, and I truly pray now that his parents don't corrupt him with terrible ways of treating and respecting people of all ages, gender and race. Because it would be so awful if he turned out just like his dad.


Please Lord, I beg of you give this boy a better chance and a better look on life. I adore all kids of all ages, and no matter what I do believe kids deserve better, they shouldn't have to sit around and watch as daddy beats mommy, and daddy screaming at mommy and pushing her up and down things like stairs or against walls, and kicking her. And worse. No child should ever have to witness that. I'm not saying I witnessed this happening to my ex friend, but I have heard plenty of stories from her, and every time after about 2 months go by she takes him back.


Well, she says my son needs to know who his father is, no matter how many stinking times I told her the father is not good for her and her son, she took him back into her and her son's life. I have tried to keep my anxiety from over doing itself, but when I received that message from her, as she blamed me and Jason for everything, and defended her son's father with every word she had typed, enough was enough and she gave her two sense and well I took my chances literally three chances and I was out, I was done. I literally wrote a brief message at the top starting myself off, and then as I described everything the father did wrong and her defending him crap, I counted 3...2...1... and above


I already told you, our final words to her.  With each number I took the truth and spread it out for her, with out adding anything fake or untrue I told her, We had enough, with the drama and negativity and the complete b.s. she had messaged me. So, I was finished, I finally realized she was wrong and I told her she was, only I gave her no chance to try and write me back, because I let out everything. And did not hesitate to keep going at her. I found her weakness and I showed her my strength. So, until next time, I respond the same way I did my ex-friend... Good-Bye!

If anyone who reads any of my blogs wishes to leave a comment, Please do so through my email: fairygurlLover@hotmail.com. I would love to hear all the reviews of my blogs all comments are appreciated. Thank you.