Being Heard - My Voice 6

In the past few months I've dealt with and handled with care every situation that has come my way whether good or bad, but most recently it has come to my attention that there are only few friends that are willing to go the extra mile to make a friendship with me actually last years and years, then there's the friend who will talk to you no doubt, but the entire time lies to your face, tells who he didn't block you, "he got rid of his Facebook completely" and you find out from another friend that his Facebook is still up and running, because he recently posted a rant status on it about Comic books. DC verse Marvel, B.S; but nonetheless he told you; he got rid of Facebook.

I'm so tired of all the lying! This same friend has done this same thing multiple times, he will apologize, I accept the apology and it happens within a week to a months time. So, the last time this happened where he lied to me I stopped talking to him completely for a about 3 months then we talked and sorted everything out. Now, we are back to square one, he lied and I'm done. I do not want to have nothing to do with lairs anymore, who can not be a friend to me if you are going to lie to my face and even more so he lied to Jason's face.

From now on, I'm done, I'm done listening to liars; I'm done having fake friendships, I'm just done. I stopped my last friendship because the girl told me that I UNDERESTIMATED her baby's father, now this and I just don't want to deal with it and those type of people; who suck the life out of you.

I get wrapped up with people like them, Why? I don't know. All I know, is by the end of usually one year of a friendship that has taken a toll both physically and mentally, I am how you say fed up with them, and completely block them from me and everyone else in my life, so I no longer have any association with them. I also pride myself in being so strong willed, putting on a good face for so long, but I also do pride myself in knowing when both my mind and body have had enough. And, ultimately end whatever little bit of friendship I have with said people.

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So, even though I said I was in fact done with this friend, I wanted to be a good friend and give him the benefit and so, I went to talk to him and at first he said nothing to me, then I responded to his silence with I texted you and expected a response and got nothing, I wanted you to be able to defend yourself and he says to me, you accused me and that he doesn't want to talk. So, I said okay and walked away.

I don't accuse, haven't yet in my life. I gave you the truth and you rolled over, I know calling someone a liar, is big; huge even, but I know that I'm not a liar, sure I've lied to my parents; back when I was a teenager, but what teenager hasn't.

For me, I'm moving on! I'm not letting no one hold me back!

It has been just about a month or so since I started writing this blog, and now.

So, today I found out that this guy at work I called a liar, put his 2 weeks in. And like all loyal friends, even when there is problems in the friendship. Loyal friends will always stick by, well even though I called him a liar. I still wanted him to leave this job, with no hard feelings towards me. So, I talked to him, I apologized and he too apologized, we got back on track for about 2 and a 1/2 hours and I even tired to get us to hang out like old times, after his 2 weeks were up at first he seemed all for it; but at the very end of the night; he told me, He didn't think it was a good idea for us to hang out, I asked Why? He responded, Cause! I ask Why?, again. He says Cause!, again. I finally stop asking him why after my third try and instead responded with my own answer that is also a question for him. Because you don't want to! He responds with, Yes! I said, Okay, but inside I was like why couldn't you just say that. 

The ride home tonight, was utter pain as I just realized, more and more with each passing minute of the drive, that the friendship I once had was completely over, as my friend could not once again; just come right out and say what he wanted to say. People all around me that have come in and out of my life feel that they always have to tiptoe around my feelings, because I'm sensitive. 

What these many people don't realize is if they just came out and told me, Hey you know what Erica, I just don't want to hang out with you! Even though, that phrase seems rude, it still hurts me less then me having to pull answers out of them like an orthodontist pulls teeth. Seriously, I'm always telling people how honest and up front I am, and trust me I am. If I do not like someone for what ever reason, you can be sure that they will know it. Because I will not hide how I feel from anyone.

I was hurt because once again, someone tiptoed around me, like I was glass or something. I may seem delicate outside, and I was delicate both inside and out years ago in school when everyone made fun of me or bullied me for what ever stupid reason. Or because the bullies just felt like doing and saying mean things, but anyways. 

I may look delicate on the outside, but inside I'm a rock, I'm a strong, independent and proud to be who I am! I don't want anyone to bring me down.

I don't want to say these next words, but I think it's time... I think it's time to once again say Good-Bye to another friendship, that ends on rather iffy circumstances.

So, to finally end my night with high hopes for a better tomorrow and future for my friend and myself, Good Luck and Good-Bye!

Good Night all! And have a blessed day tomorrow!