Well Hello all, It has taken me nearly 2 years to find the inspiration, to 1 write once more, 2 to find the time to do so.
Well, Here I am it is a officially the 2nd day of the Month of March in the year 2018, I have spent a great deal of my time however, not so pleasant for the most part; grieving the most terrible lose of my father. A great man through everything; we put one another through over the years. No matter what troubles I caused he is still my father, and he has always loved me; the same.
It has taken me this long to come back to blogging, for many other reasons, too.
For one I spent an entire 3 months about 12 weeks of my life, going back to school. That's right. I went back to school, to become a Certified Nursing Assistant. And would you believe it that I passed my final with an 89. Honestly, I am still in shock. I proved to my dad and to myself, that things are possible; if you put your mind to it.
Well, I have been certified for about 2 months, now. And I am currently holding down 2 jobs one as a full-time Home Care caregiver and well, yes I am still at my part-time job over at Lowe's.
I hate to be the bearing of bad news, but I must take a break for a bit. It has been a half hour and well, I truly must be getting some sleep; Jason and I have an early and long day tomorrow. Can you say Tax Paying and DMV; FUNNNNN?
Good Night, all! Be back soon!
It is now, the 3rd day of March in the year 2018. It is currently 10:49 pm.
And well, I must say that after a long depressing and then cheerful and, always stressful day. I have had decisions that I most definitely would never want to experience again.
I have found out that the Home Care Job I am currently holding down is, not full-time; but it is however per diem. At first, I was indeed a little disappointed and mislead, but after some quick thinking and realization, I decided that there is actually an amazing positive to me not working 2 jobs all the time; see Jason and I have been trying so very hard to get our ass back down to the gym, to help lose some serious weight and well, I think I may have just found my inspiration.
Besides the fact, recently I photographed with a group of my co-workers on Facebook, and well. In the back you see me and well, although looking very smiley in the photo, when I finally saw the photo my jaw dropped TO THE FLOOR. And well, I look insanely huge. I look like a mountain, I am still disgusted with my appearance.
I don't have much confidence in myself, right now. As I feel that I could look a little better; weight wise.
See there. I am the one in the back. Looking like a mountain. And I am honestly horrified by my appearance. I always had issues with my weight. And I still, do. I just wish: I could find that one thing that could get me to lose weight, gain some proper muscle and well, make me feel good about myself to keep it off.
I hate posting photos of my body, because I am always so embarrassed about my looks. And this is why I don't do group photos, either. However, I do take photos, but mainly of my face, because well 9 out of 10 selfies are actually pretty damn good.
See... Not too bad.
So, if I keep these 2 jobs, especially Lowe's, I want to go back to the gym and really commit to working out, definitely when I am available in the MORNINGS. Otherwise, number #1 why bother having a membership, right?
Honestly, I haven't felt this depressed or confused, but trying to find positives in years, and I don't just mean since my father's passing. I mean Y.....E.......A....SSSSSSS! And I finally feel like I have the right inspiration to keep it going, hopefully.
Hopefully, by the next year or so we will start to see of this change, that I have been waiting and looking for.
As for right now, fingers crossed; everyone. And now let's pray.
Dear Lord our heavenly father,
You have played us once again, yet father. I am not broken, in fact I still stand ready to take on your next challenge.
Hear me oh Lord, for I have sinned. I have taken for granted everything you have given me. I have sinned and I know that all is forgiven. Yet, Lord. I see you have thrown another curve ball.
For you oh Lord, I will not strike out this time. For you oh Lord. I will hit that curve ball. I will then Run Home and I will find you, Oh Lord.
You have not stopped me, yet. I am still here and I will one day, be with you.
Amen
I know he is there, I know he throws every curve ball. I know he will one day give me, the spot light. I will never know when it will happen, but one day. There will be a spot light.
It will happen...
To me... and to you.
We all have that spot light. It is on a timer and well. It is set to a particular event that will happen in your life as well as in my own.
And we don't know when and we don't know where, but we do know it's there, and we can never give up on the hope that one day it will come and it will show us the way.
All I can say now; is god bless you all. Have a wonderful night. And I hope to be back with updates on life changes, or events, or weight; soon.
Almost Midnight. Time for bed.
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Thank you so very much for your comment, it has taken me awhile and I finally realized that I do have a voice that is heard, if it is not by the people, who need to hear it out loud most of all. At least I know it is heard by all of you. Thank you so very much.